Over the past few weeks, I've taken my time in processing a decision that has pulled me in many directions.
When my mentor Denise announced that she was leaving Earth Wellness Yoga, I was sad, but I understood her draw toward her passions and commitments, and the intelligence she had to not stretch herself too thin. What really threw me for a loop were my own expectations of myself.
With Denise leaving, I was in a place to take over the business and continue to run the yoga program. After a stark look at my finances and long discussions with my husband, I came to the conclusion that just as she is not in a place in her life to run the studio, I am not in a place to start my own business.
We decided to close Earth Wellness Yoga as a physical studio, effective December 1.
This was the project for which I quit my job at The New York Post. This was the place where I bonded with my classmates as we received our certificates as teachers. This was the place I went every day, rain or shine, students or no students, and gave my energy. For it to not work out broke my heart a little.
This has been a long and difficult lesson in equanimity and acceptance. I have learned that even as the studio closes, it doesn't make me a less effective yoga teacher or business partner. It doesn't mean that I'm lazy or bad at my job. It is simply that everything has its beginning and end. This circumstance is no different. And who am I to judge whether this is good or bad? It simply is. And I must accept this, or be doomed to battle the outcome futilely inside my own mind with no end in sight.
When I was at The Post and considering leaving, I interviewed at other corporate jobs for about 8-9 months, and just could not get another 9-5, salary-and-benefits type job. I finally gave up when I was deep in my training because none of it seemed to matter anymore, and I wanted to devote my time to helping people. I think it was God or the universe shaking me free of attachment to a false sense of security.
Now I think it's happening again on a deeper level. This time, I think my lesson is to realize that my yoga and spiritual practices are only connected to my own consciousness, not any one teacher or physical space.
Message received, universe. Thank you. I will be forever grateful for the lessons I've learned at the studio, whether in business, yoga or life. I look forward to seeing what future form Earth Wellness Yoga will take.